I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:4-13
Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again--rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final things. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me--everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you. How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn't have the chance to help me. Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

No matter where we are, or where we are going. We must always rejoice, be God's tangible hand and give and help others, and be thankful for our experiences both good and bad. We must always remind ourselves and each other that we need to focus on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. These are the things that are greater than we are. We must keep each other accountable and not let our loved ones fade into the darkness. We must tell each other that we are concerned for them, tell them that we appreciate them and are there for them. We must show agape, or unconditional love for each other because that is how God loves us. Our faith has to go beyond situational because we are all broken and messy people. God gave his only son for us, and we must lean on each other to help each other through the darkest times in our lives.

I have been dealing with weight issues my entire life. When I was in the sixth grade I was a size 23, and weighed 220lbs. I was depressed and had few friends. I found comfort in junk food: processed, dead food imitations. At multiple times in my life I wanted to end my life and not live through the ridicule that my fellow students put me through. There was no reason for my 12 year old body to be clincially obese. I had to do something. I started going to church and seeking God, someone who would love me unconditionally, and my mom started juicing carrots. I was active at church and at school through the marching band. By the time I was a senior in High School I was down to a size eight/ten, a normal body size for an 18year old. During my college years I got away from exercising and church. I also was trying to find myself and who I was, which I thought I had found in dating someone. As I have been told, I was not keeping my head vertical but I was being horizontal. I thought that in order for someone to love me, that I had to be physical with them. I also thought that if someone was spending a lot of time with me, then they wanted to be physical with me. I don't have any brothers, and I have never had close male friends, so I do not know what the difference between friendly love, brotherly love, and romantic love is. This past year I started my graduate program and I found myself depressed and seeking attention from men who I did not love me but wanted to use me. I was physically out of shape again was starting to get extremely heavy. I was back to a size 18, 200lbs. I decided that I needed some changes in my life. I started going back to church as an educational experience to help me learn more about the bible, but soon I learned that God still loved me, even though I had strayed so far away for being morally right. I meet some new friends who were seeking alternative health options. In January, even though this was not my new years resolution, I decided that I needed to help myself. I joined a small growth group through my church, and I started going back to the gym four times a week. I promised myself that I would never have sex again until I found my life partner. In March, I went against this, trying to seek love from other places, and I was set back emotionally again for a few month. In April, on Good Friday, I officially ended my multiple year sex addiction/ relationship. It had to be on Good Friday, so that it was as if I was dying to myself, and starting anew. And it still hurts, because I had found much comfort in that relationship, but in order to find true happiness in what is good and true in other aspects of my life and the world, I had to cut myself off to my old burdens. Also, at this time I started writing and meditating. The mediation was called holosync and really helped me deal with a lot of my emotional food issues, because it helped me start to realize my repressed emotions about my childhood eating disorder. I have been a vegetarian since January 13th, 2008. But when I started crying when walking into my kitchen because I was processing my childhood repressed emotions, I decided that I should start juicing again. I also decided that I would try to become a raw vegan for a while, so that I would be giving my body the best living food to help me over come these challenging emotions. Also, at this time I started falling in love with a good friend of mine, because we were helping each other over come obstacles in our lives. We would meditate together, talk about God and Jesus and the amazing peace and freedom that we could get from giving our lives to them, we even would fast together. We eventually started running barefoot through the woods together so that we could ground our bodies and get back to the basics of living as naturally as we could. I started teaching yoga and volunteering again, because I know that I thrive by helping others through being God's tangible hand. Today is August 15th, and I am still struggling to balance my life. I am a size eight/ten again, and weigh 156lbs. I am still a broken and emotionally broken person. I strive to give my body only the best vibrant living raw food everyday. I am also seeking to find the balance between romantic love and brotherly love. Mostly, I thank God everyday for giving me my brokenness, so that I can share my story with others who are struggling. I thank God for showing me what is true, and right, and pure, and lovely. I thank him for loving me unconditionally and walking with me. God has great plans for me and my life. I am not 100% exactly sure what they are, but he will show me the way, "for I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13).