Rebekah warned me: “Big things happen during Pathways. I’m get excited but preparing myself for what is to come.” I wanted to make this journey count, and thus I made a personal promise to myself. I was going to focus on my intimate relationship with God. I did not want to think about other personal relationships, but only focus on what God was going to do with me as his daughter. I wanted to experience the love of God like never before. I prayed a dangerous prayer and asked him to take me out farther than I had ever been before.
For our community devotional, God had placed on my heart to write about relationships. God allowed me to attend Rebekah’s Growth Group that focused on God’s love. God wanted me to write about my struggles of overcoming my struggle with food and my relationships with my ex boyfriend, now best friend Zachary. I went against God and wrote a different devotional. I sent the first to Dan and he replied to me that he needed me to go farther. I finally obeyed, and asked God to give me the words to write about my life, especially my struggles with relationships. I wrote the devotional, for the first time being public about my personal struggles. Despite my fear of what the community would think, I wrote the words that God put on my heart.
On October 11th, the first day of week five (the focus being Relational), Zachary died tragically. Two weeks before this happened, I had the opportunity to see him. We were lying on his bed, when I kissed him. He stopped me and asked me “what are we doing?” He continued and said, “Jessica, you made a promise to God not to be with me, and to give your heart to him. I do not want to be the person who breaks that promise.” I was shocked, confused, thrown off guard. Never had Zach refused me to be intimate with me. He took me in his arms and said, “Jessica, I am sacrificing for you.” Upon hearing those Christ like words, I wept. God had sacrificed his only son for my sins, and now Zach was sacrificing for me to prove to me that the guilt of our relationship was no more.
Zachary was an atheist, and for the four years that we had dated we never once talked about our beliefs in God. He knew that I was a devout follower of Christ and that I went to church, volunteered with my community, and worked towards being God’s tangible hand. For the first time, I asked him if he believed in God. His response, “Yes, and You better give me that Job!” He had just applied for a new job that day. He then continued to tell me that we could never be together and that I was going to find someone who loved me and care about me more than he could.
He then drove me home. When standing outside my house, I swore that I saw an angel, a white Jesus like figure. I knew that God was there allowing us to spend our last few minutes together. In the two weeks before his death, I was amazed at how much Zach had matured. He was truly a contributor of our friendship, and no longer was the greedy consumer of my love. We had finally made amends to our relationship; there was no more guilt or sorrow. We could for the first time move on with our lives.
I truly believe that this has been God’s plan the entire time. When I met Zach 6 years ago, God wanted me in his life so that I could show him the love of God. And now, I get to share Zachary’s story with others. I am not one to push religion or God on others, but God gives us the opportunity to spread his love and tell of his greatness. I know that I will one day see Zach again, because I was the one person who had the relational right to confront him about his beliefs.
Upon hearing the tragic news, I was hysterical. I called my spiritual dad and mom (Chuck and Marjie), and they came running to my house in the middle of the night. All I wanted to do was pray. The prayers were messy and sloppy, but Marjie prayed for peace. That night, God was present, and I felt the warmth and gentleness of Zachary’s arms around me. I was able to sleep peacefully. The grieving process is hard, and I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster. However, I know that God’s grace and peace surrounds me, and that his unfailing love is eternal, much like Zachary’s sprit. At times I am angry at God, and ask him why; yet, God has prepared my heart to be able to rely on him during the hardest event that I have thus endured. Even though I am not home, God has blessed me with a spiritual community that has held my hand and sat with me in my mess during these dark days.
As Dad spoke into my life, “I see the outlines of the trees, but not the color.” He said, “The more that God wants to use us and your story, things will be that much harder.” I said, “Gee thanks!” Right now, I don’t even see the outlines of the trees but the shadows. I know that eventually God will bless me with the ability to see the colors of his most magnificent creation.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Perspectives!
I know that I have not been writing like I said that I would. God is truly pushing me beyond my limits, seriously taking me to a place where I have never been before: a deeper relationship with him. God has blessed me with many things. My car is sick, my best friend is going on a 3 week trip, school is extremely stressful. I am an emotional wreck; however, I still know that God loves me. I had a great talk with my roommate about putting our trust in God. We cannot trust man, we must trust ourselves to listen and to obey God. Today, Mark talked about hospitality and how the ultimate display of hospitality is sacrifice. Yesterday, I was a huge blessing in a little boys life, sharing with him and his other seven relatives in his family unit extra sandwiches. God wanted me to bless that family, and then as soon as I was done, he said "Okay, Jessica, now it is time for you to receive a blessing!" How hard it is for me to ask someone for help, but God blessed me with this gentleman from my church community that has great knowledge of cars. God works in mysterious ways, Dan didn't have to work yesterday or today and was more than willing to be a blessing in my life. Yesterday, I told Matty that I had no more positive energy within my soul. He laughed at me. He said that I was the most positive person that he knew, and that I just had to keep on keeping on. After spending the afternoon with Dan, his positive outlook on life lifted my spirit. I was able to have a wonderful conversation with Jennie, and spread the love and positivity with God at church this morning. I volunteered in the Red Eye at church this morning and blessed many people with coffee beverages! Thanks to Dan and Matty's positive perspectives on the bad that life hands us, I am able to thank God for blessing me with the opportunity to grow my friendship with Dan, and the opportunity to let Matt help me emotionally.
Matt sent me this song. His directions are: don't think to deeply about the song, just breath and be! :)
http://ilike.myspacecdn.com/play#Jeremy+Kay:Breathe:4524941:s22065339.11514983.10864322.0.2.183%2Cstd_1eb9492a9b4e48f781da24299e4ed692
So friends, I encourage you to go out there, be the tangible hand of Christ. Bless the world by breathing and being you. No matter what side of the camera you are on, try taking a different look.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
The merciful power of God.
This morning I woke up, and I have started saying my morning prayers while driving to the gym. I thanked my daddy for blessing me with all of his greatfulness, for putting people in my life, and for walking this journey with me.
After the gym I changed my facebook status to:
I am learning how to be intentional! I intentionally get up at 5:30 to work out at 7. I Intentionally eat healthy so that I can have sustained energy all day. I do not intentionally spend money or procrastinate...Lord, help me be more intentional!
I talked to Rebekah about her growth group tonight.
The first going deeper question is "How disciplined are you?" She decided that it was too broad of a question, so she asked her group to give a rating for how discipline they are in their faith with Jesus Christ. To answer this question, on a 1- 10 scale I would say that I am at a 5. At times I feel that I am extremely obedient and at other times I falter and let my obsessions over take my body. I am going to take the next 7 weeks and try to get my 5 to be a 10, so that in the long run my ultimate healing will be a 5.5. Healing takes time.
Today, God blessed me. God made his will ultimately known to me. I was in my office working on some homework, when I received a phone call that has changed my life. The person on the other end of the phone was the scholarship and award officer for the college of education at FSU. He informed me that I was recommended for a scholarship. I didn't believe him. I asked what I had to do to obtain the scholarship. I asked how it was possible. He informed me that one of the deans said that I deserved the money. This is a complete act of Gods grace.
This financial help from God is not a supplement in helping me with my bills. I am not sure what this money is intended for, but God has a plan for using the money in my life. God has something big planned. I must be obedient to his will, and listen to him. Like Pastor Mark said on Sunday, we don't want to get wrapped up in the good things when we could be missing out on the best thing. Whatever the best thing is that God has planned for me, I must be ready to go. I must live like a pauper and prepare my body, mind, and soul for accomplishing a mission that is yet unknown.
My facebook status is now:
God you are higher than any other! Thank you loving me today and always! If you ask, God will provide. He is more merciful than ever. Power to the peaceful, because He is peace!
A rough start...
Yesterday morning I wrote:
“God always takes us out father than we want to go. This morning upon waking up at the farm (Rebekah is farm sitting), she found one of Patty and Dave’s dogs dead. The crazy thing is that not a lot of people had slept well Sunday night. She passed away during the night, and later we found out that she was sick. How does one deal with this situation of the emotional trauma? What are you suppose to do? I prayed for God to give Rebekah guidance and peace.”
Last night I wrote:
“ Today was rough! But I was able to accomplish what I needed to as far as completing my assignments with reading and writing. Something that I need to learn to do is to be intentional with my finances. My goal is to eat the healthiest that I can while spending the least amount of money.”
After I wrote this I went through all of my finances and figured out how much all of monthly bills were going to cost me. I realized that I was not making enough money. I was stressed and anxious. I went to God and prayed that he would provide for me and that he would show me what I needed to do.
“ Today was rough! But I was able to accomplish what I needed to as far as completing my assignments with reading and writing. Something that I need to learn to do is to be intentional with my finances. My goal is to eat the healthiest that I can while spending the least amount of money.”
After I wrote this I went through all of my finances and figured out how much all of monthly bills were going to cost me. I realized that I was not making enough money. I was stressed and anxious. I went to God and prayed that he would provide for me and that he would show me what I needed to do.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Intentionality
“Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All Athletes are disciplines in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified” (1 Corinthians 9:20- 27).
Do you know what a group of rhinoceros is called? The collective group is called a "charge"! Charging is their primary means of attack because they are the second largest mammal; however, they are only able to see thirty feet in front of them. This implies that while they are charging at something they have no idea what is at thirty-one feet; therefore, the object must move in order to survive. What does this imply for humans who are seeking spiritual healing? This is a metaphor for running towards a spiritual life with God. Whatever is my way must move so that I can run with reckless abandon towards my eternal prize.
God has placed me at Element 3 Church here in Tallahassee over a year ago. I have learned a great deal and have been blessed by a community that welcomes me just as I am: broken and messy. In the next seven weeks, this community had made the commitment to run towards God through the program called Pathways: Prime. The mission statement is to: make, mature, and mobilize fully devoted followers of Christ. We are doing this by focusing on “I CHARGE” the seven elements that represent our community: Intentionality, Culturally Current, Hospitality, Authenticity, Relational, Grace, and Excellence.
For these seven weeks I have devoted to myself as a time to give of my relationship status to Jesus. I want to fall more in love with Jesus than anyone else. I am giving my body, mind, and soul over to God to mold me into his tangible hand. I have promised myself that I am going to journal/blog about my journey and that I am going to share my journey with this community. I encourage you to keep up with my daily postings for the next seven weeks.
I want to start off today by talking about where I am in my life right now. Recently, I have found myself feeling lonely and longing for someone in my life that adores my quirks, loves the passion of my soul, and is attracted to me. I even went as far as to ask God to put someone in my life. God answers prayers, but he does so to help us learn and with greater intentions than we ever think is possible. A few months ago, I found myself in relationship that was not only horizontal and not vertical, but extremely hurtful for my soul. These past few weeks a new gentleman has come into my life and has flattered me by continuously telling me how attractive I am. This boosted my confidence; however, God told me that something was not right. I could feel in the pit of my stomach that this was not the relationship that God had intended on me having. I received multiple confirmations on this, and thank God for allowing me to be able to recognize when my spirit was being attacked by arrows. If I would not have had my pervious relation with this pervious person, then I would have accepted the arrow as truth and been hurt more severely. In seven weeks, I hope that I am closer to being a more whole person who will soon be able to give of myself to another person. I long for intimacy, but right now being in perfect relationship with God is more than sufficient.
This morning I went on a 16 mile bike ride with two great friends. We rode down to the St. Mark’s light house and watched the sun rise from its sleepy slumber. In today’s devotional, Rebekah Abbott quotes Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God!” Our community is encouraged to take 10 minutes to pray and listen to God, and I pass on that encouragement.
May we charge on learning and growing every day.
Do you know what a group of rhinoceros is called? The collective group is called a "charge"! Charging is their primary means of attack because they are the second largest mammal; however, they are only able to see thirty feet in front of them. This implies that while they are charging at something they have no idea what is at thirty-one feet; therefore, the object must move in order to survive. What does this imply for humans who are seeking spiritual healing? This is a metaphor for running towards a spiritual life with God. Whatever is my way must move so that I can run with reckless abandon towards my eternal prize.
God has placed me at Element 3 Church here in Tallahassee over a year ago. I have learned a great deal and have been blessed by a community that welcomes me just as I am: broken and messy. In the next seven weeks, this community had made the commitment to run towards God through the program called Pathways: Prime. The mission statement is to: make, mature, and mobilize fully devoted followers of Christ. We are doing this by focusing on “I CHARGE” the seven elements that represent our community: Intentionality, Culturally Current, Hospitality, Authenticity, Relational, Grace, and Excellence.
For these seven weeks I have devoted to myself as a time to give of my relationship status to Jesus. I want to fall more in love with Jesus than anyone else. I am giving my body, mind, and soul over to God to mold me into his tangible hand. I have promised myself that I am going to journal/blog about my journey and that I am going to share my journey with this community. I encourage you to keep up with my daily postings for the next seven weeks.
I want to start off today by talking about where I am in my life right now. Recently, I have found myself feeling lonely and longing for someone in my life that adores my quirks, loves the passion of my soul, and is attracted to me. I even went as far as to ask God to put someone in my life. God answers prayers, but he does so to help us learn and with greater intentions than we ever think is possible. A few months ago, I found myself in relationship that was not only horizontal and not vertical, but extremely hurtful for my soul. These past few weeks a new gentleman has come into my life and has flattered me by continuously telling me how attractive I am. This boosted my confidence; however, God told me that something was not right. I could feel in the pit of my stomach that this was not the relationship that God had intended on me having. I received multiple confirmations on this, and thank God for allowing me to be able to recognize when my spirit was being attacked by arrows. If I would not have had my pervious relation with this pervious person, then I would have accepted the arrow as truth and been hurt more severely. In seven weeks, I hope that I am closer to being a more whole person who will soon be able to give of myself to another person. I long for intimacy, but right now being in perfect relationship with God is more than sufficient.
This morning I went on a 16 mile bike ride with two great friends. We rode down to the St. Mark’s light house and watched the sun rise from its sleepy slumber. In today’s devotional, Rebekah Abbott quotes Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God!” Our community is encouraged to take 10 minutes to pray and listen to God, and I pass on that encouragement.
May we charge on learning and growing every day.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Aloe for Life
Hey friends!
This is a quick posting, and hopefully soon I will be able to fill you in on the craziness that I call my life. Right now though, I want to share with you a website based on a man who has helped change my life. His name is Cephas, and he is my aloe man!
Aloe Vera is extremely beneficial to the body both internally and externally. In February, when Matt and I went to Tampa to have the mercury removed from his teeth, we wanted to check out the Ybor City, FL aloe man. Upon meeting him he told me some interesting things about my health. He said that I was 1) allergic to shell fish 2) over weight and 3) my digestive system was not working properly. I was amazed that he knew all of this without even giving me a health survey. He made Matt and I chug 3 tall glasses of aloe juice: aloe, water, and ice. He also informed us that it would improve the quality of our skin if we scrubbed our faces with it daily.
Now, Matt and I use aloe nearly everyday. I put it in my smoothies, and then rub the tough slimy skin all over my face. Before we go out into the sun, instead of sun block we use aloe. After we have been at the springs, we moisturize with it. Also my hair loves it!
Here is Cephas's website, check him out: http://www.cephashotshop.com/
This was one of the first steps in getting my health back into balance. Take my advice, drinking aloe everyday will shed excess weight.
Much love!
Cheers.
This is a quick posting, and hopefully soon I will be able to fill you in on the craziness that I call my life. Right now though, I want to share with you a website based on a man who has helped change my life. His name is Cephas, and he is my aloe man!
Aloe Vera is extremely beneficial to the body both internally and externally. In February, when Matt and I went to Tampa to have the mercury removed from his teeth, we wanted to check out the Ybor City, FL aloe man. Upon meeting him he told me some interesting things about my health. He said that I was 1) allergic to shell fish 2) over weight and 3) my digestive system was not working properly. I was amazed that he knew all of this without even giving me a health survey. He made Matt and I chug 3 tall glasses of aloe juice: aloe, water, and ice. He also informed us that it would improve the quality of our skin if we scrubbed our faces with it daily.
Now, Matt and I use aloe nearly everyday. I put it in my smoothies, and then rub the tough slimy skin all over my face. Before we go out into the sun, instead of sun block we use aloe. After we have been at the springs, we moisturize with it. Also my hair loves it!
Here is Cephas's website, check him out: http://www.cephashotshop.com/
This was one of the first steps in getting my health back into balance. Take my advice, drinking aloe everyday will shed excess weight.
Much love!
Cheers.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:4-13
Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again--rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final things. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me--everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you. How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn't have the chance to help me. Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
No matter where we are, or where we are going. We must always rejoice, be God's tangible hand and give and help others, and be thankful for our experiences both good and bad. We must always remind ourselves and each other that we need to focus on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. These are the things that are greater than we are. We must keep each other accountable and not let our loved ones fade into the darkness. We must tell each other that we are concerned for them, tell them that we appreciate them and are there for them. We must show agape, or unconditional love for each other because that is how God loves us. Our faith has to go beyond situational because we are all broken and messy people. God gave his only son for us, and we must lean on each other to help each other through the darkest times in our lives.
I have been dealing with weight issues my entire life. When I was in the sixth grade I was a size 23, and weighed 220lbs. I was depressed and had few friends. I found comfort in junk food: processed, dead food imitations. At multiple times in my life I wanted to end my life and not live through the ridicule that my fellow students put me through. There was no reason for my 12 year old body to be clincially obese. I had to do something. I started going to church and seeking God, someone who would love me unconditionally, and my mom started juicing carrots. I was active at church and at school through the marching band. By the time I was a senior in High School I was down to a size eight/ten, a normal body size for an 18year old. During my college years I got away from exercising and church. I also was trying to find myself and who I was, which I thought I had found in dating someone. As I have been told, I was not keeping my head vertical but I was being horizontal. I thought that in order for someone to love me, that I had to be physical with them. I also thought that if someone was spending a lot of time with me, then they wanted to be physical with me. I don't have any brothers, and I have never had close male friends, so I do not know what the difference between friendly love, brotherly love, and romantic love is. This past year I started my graduate program and I found myself depressed and seeking attention from men who I did not love me but wanted to use me. I was physically out of shape again was starting to get extremely heavy. I was back to a size 18, 200lbs. I decided that I needed some changes in my life. I started going back to church as an educational experience to help me learn more about the bible, but soon I learned that God still loved me, even though I had strayed so far away for being morally right. I meet some new friends who were seeking alternative health options. In January, even though this was not my new years resolution, I decided that I needed to help myself. I joined a small growth group through my church, and I started going back to the gym four times a week. I promised myself that I would never have sex again until I found my life partner. In March, I went against this, trying to seek love from other places, and I was set back emotionally again for a few month. In April, on Good Friday, I officially ended my multiple year sex addiction/ relationship. It had to be on Good Friday, so that it was as if I was dying to myself, and starting anew. And it still hurts, because I had found much comfort in that relationship, but in order to find true happiness in what is good and true in other aspects of my life and the world, I had to cut myself off to my old burdens. Also, at this time I started writing and meditating. The mediation was called holosync and really helped me deal with a lot of my emotional food issues, because it helped me start to realize my repressed emotions about my childhood eating disorder. I have been a vegetarian since January 13th, 2008. But when I started crying when walking into my kitchen because I was processing my childhood repressed emotions, I decided that I should start juicing again. I also decided that I would try to become a raw vegan for a while, so that I would be giving my body the best living food to help me over come these challenging emotions. Also, at this time I started falling in love with a good friend of mine, because we were helping each other over come obstacles in our lives. We would meditate together, talk about God and Jesus and the amazing peace and freedom that we could get from giving our lives to them, we even would fast together. We eventually started running barefoot through the woods together so that we could ground our bodies and get back to the basics of living as naturally as we could. I started teaching yoga and volunteering again, because I know that I thrive by helping others through being God's tangible hand. Today is August 15th, and I am still struggling to balance my life. I am a size eight/ten again, and weigh 156lbs. I am still a broken and emotionally broken person. I strive to give my body only the best vibrant living raw food everyday. I am also seeking to find the balance between romantic love and brotherly love. Mostly, I thank God everyday for giving me my brokenness, so that I can share my story with others who are struggling. I thank God for showing me what is true, and right, and pure, and lovely. I thank him for loving me unconditionally and walking with me. God has great plans for me and my life. I am not 100% exactly sure what they are, but he will show me the way, "for I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13).
Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again--rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final things. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me--everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you. How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn't have the chance to help me. Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
No matter where we are, or where we are going. We must always rejoice, be God's tangible hand and give and help others, and be thankful for our experiences both good and bad. We must always remind ourselves and each other that we need to focus on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. These are the things that are greater than we are. We must keep each other accountable and not let our loved ones fade into the darkness. We must tell each other that we are concerned for them, tell them that we appreciate them and are there for them. We must show agape, or unconditional love for each other because that is how God loves us. Our faith has to go beyond situational because we are all broken and messy people. God gave his only son for us, and we must lean on each other to help each other through the darkest times in our lives.
I have been dealing with weight issues my entire life. When I was in the sixth grade I was a size 23, and weighed 220lbs. I was depressed and had few friends. I found comfort in junk food: processed, dead food imitations. At multiple times in my life I wanted to end my life and not live through the ridicule that my fellow students put me through. There was no reason for my 12 year old body to be clincially obese. I had to do something. I started going to church and seeking God, someone who would love me unconditionally, and my mom started juicing carrots. I was active at church and at school through the marching band. By the time I was a senior in High School I was down to a size eight/ten, a normal body size for an 18year old. During my college years I got away from exercising and church. I also was trying to find myself and who I was, which I thought I had found in dating someone. As I have been told, I was not keeping my head vertical but I was being horizontal. I thought that in order for someone to love me, that I had to be physical with them. I also thought that if someone was spending a lot of time with me, then they wanted to be physical with me. I don't have any brothers, and I have never had close male friends, so I do not know what the difference between friendly love, brotherly love, and romantic love is. This past year I started my graduate program and I found myself depressed and seeking attention from men who I did not love me but wanted to use me. I was physically out of shape again was starting to get extremely heavy. I was back to a size 18, 200lbs. I decided that I needed some changes in my life. I started going back to church as an educational experience to help me learn more about the bible, but soon I learned that God still loved me, even though I had strayed so far away for being morally right. I meet some new friends who were seeking alternative health options. In January, even though this was not my new years resolution, I decided that I needed to help myself. I joined a small growth group through my church, and I started going back to the gym four times a week. I promised myself that I would never have sex again until I found my life partner. In March, I went against this, trying to seek love from other places, and I was set back emotionally again for a few month. In April, on Good Friday, I officially ended my multiple year sex addiction/ relationship. It had to be on Good Friday, so that it was as if I was dying to myself, and starting anew. And it still hurts, because I had found much comfort in that relationship, but in order to find true happiness in what is good and true in other aspects of my life and the world, I had to cut myself off to my old burdens. Also, at this time I started writing and meditating. The mediation was called holosync and really helped me deal with a lot of my emotional food issues, because it helped me start to realize my repressed emotions about my childhood eating disorder. I have been a vegetarian since January 13th, 2008. But when I started crying when walking into my kitchen because I was processing my childhood repressed emotions, I decided that I should start juicing again. I also decided that I would try to become a raw vegan for a while, so that I would be giving my body the best living food to help me over come these challenging emotions. Also, at this time I started falling in love with a good friend of mine, because we were helping each other over come obstacles in our lives. We would meditate together, talk about God and Jesus and the amazing peace and freedom that we could get from giving our lives to them, we even would fast together. We eventually started running barefoot through the woods together so that we could ground our bodies and get back to the basics of living as naturally as we could. I started teaching yoga and volunteering again, because I know that I thrive by helping others through being God's tangible hand. Today is August 15th, and I am still struggling to balance my life. I am a size eight/ten again, and weigh 156lbs. I am still a broken and emotionally broken person. I strive to give my body only the best vibrant living raw food everyday. I am also seeking to find the balance between romantic love and brotherly love. Mostly, I thank God everyday for giving me my brokenness, so that I can share my story with others who are struggling. I thank God for showing me what is true, and right, and pure, and lovely. I thank him for loving me unconditionally and walking with me. God has great plans for me and my life. I am not 100% exactly sure what they are, but he will show me the way, "for I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13).
Thursday, August 12, 2010
New things in my life!
Hey friends,
There have been some new additions to my life! This week I have decided that I should start juicing again. In Born to Run, it was suggested to start your day off with a salad. Instead of a salad, I have been juicing making sure to get at least four of my five vegetables in for the day. My day has been looking like this:
Wake up and have 5 almonds and either an apple or an orange.
Go to the gym/ 5 Tibetan Rites/ Yoga (depending on the day!)
Juice: 4 carrots, 1 broccoli stalk, celery, and cucumber.
Shower (I use all organic or local products)
Smoothie: My smoothies have been getting crazy. I will have to do a blog just on my smoothies.
Work/personal time.
Grounding time: 1-3 mile run (wearing my vibrams!!) and then a swim in the local sinks!
Dinner: some type of veggie combo with a carbohydrate.
Wind down time: Reading/ meditating/ writing.
The past three weeks have been on this schedule! I am happy, healthy, and living my life to the fullest!!
Another thing that I have just remembered and want to get into is Laughter Therapy. I have been emotionally unbalanced lately. There are a lot of unstable things in my life right now and I am trying to find peace and give thanks for where I am, and where I am heading. In the process I remember my friend and I using Laughter Therapy when we have been mad for various reasons. I looked this up last night and found lots of good information. I love teaching yoga, so maybe I will start to teach Laughter Therapy. Check it out: http://laughteryoga.org/index.php
Just tonight I have decided to take on another thing in my life! This is bran new and I am excited about going through with it. I am going to be in my first marathon. It is going to be the 2011 Disney Marathon. A full 26.2 miles. One my my new friends started talking to me about doing it, and now my sister and I are going to do this together with my friends. I am excited about doing this though with my sister because recently she has seen my success and has started making healthier choices in her life. It will be fun and we will encourage each other to make it through. :) Here is the website if you are interested in joining us: http://espnwwos.disney.go.com/events/endurance/wdw-marathon/
Something else that is strong and working in my life is God. He has been extremely merciful and has allowed me to see that no matter where I have come from and what I have done in my past, that I am his beloved. He will love me no matter what my free will allows me to do. I am not only blessed to have great friends, but a stable spiritual community where I can grow and blossom into a beautiful lotus flower. I have also had the opportunity to write a devotional for my church's new series that is going to being in September. I will post this when the book is published. Here is the verse that I use to describe what God's relationship to me is like. “The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well- water garden, like a spring whose waters never fail” (Isaiah 58-59). Something to think about, something that I believe in that Michale Franti believes in: "I believe in the miracle, I believe in the spiritual, I believe in the one above, I believe in the one I love!"
Again just today, I was introduced to: Rusted Root! Great group. Check them out!!
My favorite line thus far is: "All I want is food and creative love!"
Okay, I am extremely tired! Hope you all have a wonderful day!
Remember as Michale Franti always says, "Power to the peaceful!"
Also, a good question to end on: Are you loving? It is interesting when you get messages like these from your friends who are trying to keep you accountable how your mood will change based on if you are putting your heart into something or not. So, I ask you, are you loving?
Much agape love,
jtodd
There have been some new additions to my life! This week I have decided that I should start juicing again. In Born to Run, it was suggested to start your day off with a salad. Instead of a salad, I have been juicing making sure to get at least four of my five vegetables in for the day. My day has been looking like this:
Wake up and have 5 almonds and either an apple or an orange.
Go to the gym/ 5 Tibetan Rites/ Yoga (depending on the day!)
Juice: 4 carrots, 1 broccoli stalk, celery, and cucumber.
Shower (I use all organic or local products)
Smoothie: My smoothies have been getting crazy. I will have to do a blog just on my smoothies.
Work/personal time.
Grounding time: 1-3 mile run (wearing my vibrams!!) and then a swim in the local sinks!
Dinner: some type of veggie combo with a carbohydrate.
Wind down time: Reading/ meditating/ writing.
The past three weeks have been on this schedule! I am happy, healthy, and living my life to the fullest!!
Another thing that I have just remembered and want to get into is Laughter Therapy. I have been emotionally unbalanced lately. There are a lot of unstable things in my life right now and I am trying to find peace and give thanks for where I am, and where I am heading. In the process I remember my friend and I using Laughter Therapy when we have been mad for various reasons. I looked this up last night and found lots of good information. I love teaching yoga, so maybe I will start to teach Laughter Therapy. Check it out: http://laughteryoga.org/index.php
Just tonight I have decided to take on another thing in my life! This is bran new and I am excited about going through with it. I am going to be in my first marathon. It is going to be the 2011 Disney Marathon. A full 26.2 miles. One my my new friends started talking to me about doing it, and now my sister and I are going to do this together with my friends. I am excited about doing this though with my sister because recently she has seen my success and has started making healthier choices in her life. It will be fun and we will encourage each other to make it through. :) Here is the website if you are interested in joining us: http://espnwwos.disney.go.com/events/endurance/wdw-marathon/
Something else that is strong and working in my life is God. He has been extremely merciful and has allowed me to see that no matter where I have come from and what I have done in my past, that I am his beloved. He will love me no matter what my free will allows me to do. I am not only blessed to have great friends, but a stable spiritual community where I can grow and blossom into a beautiful lotus flower. I have also had the opportunity to write a devotional for my church's new series that is going to being in September. I will post this when the book is published. Here is the verse that I use to describe what God's relationship to me is like. “The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well- water garden, like a spring whose waters never fail” (Isaiah 58-59). Something to think about, something that I believe in that Michale Franti believes in: "I believe in the miracle, I believe in the spiritual, I believe in the one above, I believe in the one I love!"
Again just today, I was introduced to: Rusted Root! Great group. Check them out!!
My favorite line thus far is: "All I want is food and creative love!"
Okay, I am extremely tired! Hope you all have a wonderful day!
Remember as Michale Franti always says, "Power to the peaceful!"
Also, a good question to end on: Are you loving? It is interesting when you get messages like these from your friends who are trying to keep you accountable how your mood will change based on if you are putting your heart into something or not. So, I ask you, are you loving?
Much agape love,
jtodd
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Born to Run - The Passion of Running Continued
I have been enjoying my lazy summer days training myself for the epic amounts of reading that will take place over the next few months during my third semester of graduate school. In the training process, I have finished one of the most inspiring and life shaping books that I have picked up in the past few year, Born to Run by Christopher McDougall. Thursday and Friday I spent most of my days reading through the text, and last night I was able to actually try out the new running form that they speak of in the book. I look forward to getting back to native roots, because as Christopher McDougall states, “So simple…just move your legs. Because if you don’t think you were born to run, you’re not only denying history. You’re denying who you are” (244). The following are my favorite quotes that spoke to me throughout the book. I encourage you to look through these and make comments; however, I urge you to pick up the book yourself. I promise that if it does not make you want to become a runner, then it will give you a new perspective on life. Happy reading friends! :)
Running Inspired by Literature:
The Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac: “ ‘Trails are like that: you’re floating along in a Shakespearean Arden paradise and expect to see nymphs and fluteboys, then suddenly you’re struggling in a hot broiling sun of hell in dust and nettles and poison oak…just like life’” (145). “When running stopped being as far as surfing, they had agreed, they’d quit. So to get that same surging glide, that same feeling of being lifted up and swept along, they ran to the rhythm of Beat poetry” (145). How awesome! :)
Charles Bukowski: “ ‘If you’re going to try, go all the way…There is no other feeling like that. / you will be along with the gods / and the nights will flame with fire…you will ride life straight to/ perfect laughter, it’s / the only good fight there is’”(145).
Grounding:
“Dr. Brand, ‘The barefoot walker receives a continuous stream of information about the ground and about his relationship to it, while a shod foot sleeps inside an unchanging environment’ “ (177). I know that it is clear to decipher what the word “shod” means, but I wanted to look it up. In my old timey Oxford Essential Dictionary, “shod” is the past and past participial of shoe. Learn something new every day! This comment rings true though for me, because by experiencing the energy that the ground gives the body by being barefoot is incredible. I enjoy being grounded to the earth: my energy levels rise and my mood stabilizes.
Praise for the Vegetarian Diet: Scott Jurek!
“…meatless diets works for history’s great runners!” (192)
“…no animal products—no eggs, no cheese, not even icecream—and not much sugar or white flour, either” (192).
“By basing his diet on fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, Scott is deriving maximum nutrition from the lowest possible number of calories, so his body isn’t forced to carry or process any useless bulk” (192)
“Vegetables, grains, and legumes contain all the amino acids necessary to build muscle from scratch” (193).
“Eat like a poor person, as Coach Joe Vigil likes to say, and you’ll only see your doctor on the golf course” (209).
More Praise for the Veggie Diet: Dr. Ruth
“Geranium niveum is the Tarahumara wonder drug; according to the Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry, it’s as effective as red wine at neutralizing disease-causing free radicals. As one writer put it, wild geranium is ‘anti-everything—anti-inflammatory, antiviral, antibacterial, antioxidant’”(210).
“Standard American Diet—or SAD” (210).
“She had a simple rule: if it came from plants, she ate it; if it came from animals, she didn’t” (210).
“’ Under the Tarahumara-style eating plan, lunch and dinner were built around fruit, beans, yams, while grains, and vegetables, and breakfast was often salad. You get leafy greens in your body first thing in the morning and you’ll lose a lot of weight…a monster salad is loaded with nutrient-rich carbs and low fat.” (211).
The way to run: Eric, Ken, Barefoot Ted
“Barefoot Ted believed we could abolish foot injuries by throwing away our Nikes” (138).
“Whenever you run, remember that feeling of straining against the rope. It’ll keep your feet under your body, your hips driving straight ahead, and your heals out of the picture” (204).
“Quick, light leg contractions are more economical than big, forceful ones” (205).
“Athletes are Tarzans. Tarzan swims and wrestles and jumps and swings on vines. He’s strong and explosive. You never know what Tarzan will do next, which is why he never gets hurt. ‘You’re body needs to be shocked to become resilient.’ Follow the same daily routine, and your musculoskeletal system quickly figures out how to adapt and go on autopilot” (211).
“Your muscles needs oxygen to burn calories and convert them into energy, so the better you are at exchanging gases—sucking in oxygen, blowing out carbon dioxide—the longer you can sustain your top speed” (215).
Evolution and Family Structure:
“As we evolve, we shucked our beef and become more sinuous, more cooperative…essentially, more female…Mothers see no reason why they should not continue to participate fully” (241).
“Humans are among the most communal and cooperative of all primates; our sole defense in a fang filled world was our solidarity, and there’s no reason to think we suddenly disbanded during our most crucial challenge, the hunt for food…We did everything as a family. The whole community was a family. We shared everything and cooperated, but now there is a lot of arguing and bickering, every man for himself. Running…made them better people” (242).
Prayer:
“The Hopis consider running a form of prayer; they offer every step as a sacrifice to a loved one, and in return ask the Great Spirit to match their strength with some of his own” (253).
Medicine:
“When I am out on a long run the only thing in life that matters is finishing the run. For once, my brain isn’t going blehblehblehbleh all the time. Everything quiets down, and the only thing going on is pure flow. It’s just me and the movement and the motion. That’s what I love—just being a barbarian, running through the woods” (149). Running is obviously a better solution than pharmaceuticals.
“It was the worst! The worst-tasting urine I’ve ever tasted in my entire life. You could bottle this stuff and sell it to bring people back from the dead” (271). Haha! :P Barefoot Ted: “…his observation that human urine is both nutrient-rich and an effective tooth whitener” (275). Have you ever tired this?! Matt and I were listening to a talk by David Wolfe or was it Daniel Vitalis about urine therapy. We laughed, and thought ewww, but the talk had really interesting points. The biggest that I can remember is that if we are putting the best in our bodies then we are just recycling minerals and vitamins. What do you think?
Random Goodies:
“Power to the peaceful” (130). Michael Franti would approve this statement! :)
“The heroes of the past are untouchable, protected forever by the fortress door of time” (131).
“ ‘…pleading doesn’t work on drunks in fountains” (140). Haha! This reminds me of my days at FSU, especially on many friends 21st birthdays.
“Living on the edge wasn’t about danger, he realized. It was about curiosity; audacious curiosity, like the kind Lance had when he was chalked off for good and still decided to see if he could build a wasted body into a world-beater” (144).
“Why add something if you’re born with everything you need? (165)
“If there is a magic bullet to making human beings healthy, it’s to run” (168).
“Translation: if you can run six miles on summer day, then you, my friend, are a lethal weapon in the animal kingdom” (228). I will one day be a lethal weapon! :)
“Poor and free was the way he’d chosen to live, but was it the way he wanted to die?” (280). This is a question that a lot of people who are on this same journey are asking. It is not about living for material possessions, but reaching towards the greater spirit within us. Giving it all up so that we can be humbled by what life gives us.
Running Inspired by Literature:
The Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac: “ ‘Trails are like that: you’re floating along in a Shakespearean Arden paradise and expect to see nymphs and fluteboys, then suddenly you’re struggling in a hot broiling sun of hell in dust and nettles and poison oak…just like life’” (145). “When running stopped being as far as surfing, they had agreed, they’d quit. So to get that same surging glide, that same feeling of being lifted up and swept along, they ran to the rhythm of Beat poetry” (145). How awesome! :)
Charles Bukowski: “ ‘If you’re going to try, go all the way…There is no other feeling like that. / you will be along with the gods / and the nights will flame with fire…you will ride life straight to/ perfect laughter, it’s / the only good fight there is’”(145).
Grounding:
“Dr. Brand, ‘The barefoot walker receives a continuous stream of information about the ground and about his relationship to it, while a shod foot sleeps inside an unchanging environment’ “ (177). I know that it is clear to decipher what the word “shod” means, but I wanted to look it up. In my old timey Oxford Essential Dictionary, “shod” is the past and past participial of shoe. Learn something new every day! This comment rings true though for me, because by experiencing the energy that the ground gives the body by being barefoot is incredible. I enjoy being grounded to the earth: my energy levels rise and my mood stabilizes.
Praise for the Vegetarian Diet: Scott Jurek!
“…meatless diets works for history’s great runners!” (192)
“…no animal products—no eggs, no cheese, not even icecream—and not much sugar or white flour, either” (192).
“By basing his diet on fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, Scott is deriving maximum nutrition from the lowest possible number of calories, so his body isn’t forced to carry or process any useless bulk” (192)
“Vegetables, grains, and legumes contain all the amino acids necessary to build muscle from scratch” (193).
“Eat like a poor person, as Coach Joe Vigil likes to say, and you’ll only see your doctor on the golf course” (209).
More Praise for the Veggie Diet: Dr. Ruth
“Geranium niveum is the Tarahumara wonder drug; according to the Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry, it’s as effective as red wine at neutralizing disease-causing free radicals. As one writer put it, wild geranium is ‘anti-everything—anti-inflammatory, antiviral, antibacterial, antioxidant’”(210).
“Standard American Diet—or SAD” (210).
“She had a simple rule: if it came from plants, she ate it; if it came from animals, she didn’t” (210).
“’ Under the Tarahumara-style eating plan, lunch and dinner were built around fruit, beans, yams, while grains, and vegetables, and breakfast was often salad. You get leafy greens in your body first thing in the morning and you’ll lose a lot of weight…a monster salad is loaded with nutrient-rich carbs and low fat.” (211).
The way to run: Eric, Ken, Barefoot Ted
“Barefoot Ted believed we could abolish foot injuries by throwing away our Nikes” (138).
“Whenever you run, remember that feeling of straining against the rope. It’ll keep your feet under your body, your hips driving straight ahead, and your heals out of the picture” (204).
“Quick, light leg contractions are more economical than big, forceful ones” (205).
“Athletes are Tarzans. Tarzan swims and wrestles and jumps and swings on vines. He’s strong and explosive. You never know what Tarzan will do next, which is why he never gets hurt. ‘You’re body needs to be shocked to become resilient.’ Follow the same daily routine, and your musculoskeletal system quickly figures out how to adapt and go on autopilot” (211).
“Your muscles needs oxygen to burn calories and convert them into energy, so the better you are at exchanging gases—sucking in oxygen, blowing out carbon dioxide—the longer you can sustain your top speed” (215).
Evolution and Family Structure:
“As we evolve, we shucked our beef and become more sinuous, more cooperative…essentially, more female…Mothers see no reason why they should not continue to participate fully” (241).
“Humans are among the most communal and cooperative of all primates; our sole defense in a fang filled world was our solidarity, and there’s no reason to think we suddenly disbanded during our most crucial challenge, the hunt for food…We did everything as a family. The whole community was a family. We shared everything and cooperated, but now there is a lot of arguing and bickering, every man for himself. Running…made them better people” (242).
Prayer:
“The Hopis consider running a form of prayer; they offer every step as a sacrifice to a loved one, and in return ask the Great Spirit to match their strength with some of his own” (253).
Medicine:
“When I am out on a long run the only thing in life that matters is finishing the run. For once, my brain isn’t going blehblehblehbleh all the time. Everything quiets down, and the only thing going on is pure flow. It’s just me and the movement and the motion. That’s what I love—just being a barbarian, running through the woods” (149). Running is obviously a better solution than pharmaceuticals.
“It was the worst! The worst-tasting urine I’ve ever tasted in my entire life. You could bottle this stuff and sell it to bring people back from the dead” (271). Haha! :P Barefoot Ted: “…his observation that human urine is both nutrient-rich and an effective tooth whitener” (275). Have you ever tired this?! Matt and I were listening to a talk by David Wolfe or was it Daniel Vitalis about urine therapy. We laughed, and thought ewww, but the talk had really interesting points. The biggest that I can remember is that if we are putting the best in our bodies then we are just recycling minerals and vitamins. What do you think?
Random Goodies:
“Power to the peaceful” (130). Michael Franti would approve this statement! :)
“The heroes of the past are untouchable, protected forever by the fortress door of time” (131).
“ ‘…pleading doesn’t work on drunks in fountains” (140). Haha! This reminds me of my days at FSU, especially on many friends 21st birthdays.
“Living on the edge wasn’t about danger, he realized. It was about curiosity; audacious curiosity, like the kind Lance had when he was chalked off for good and still decided to see if he could build a wasted body into a world-beater” (144).
“Why add something if you’re born with everything you need? (165)
“If there is a magic bullet to making human beings healthy, it’s to run” (168).
“Translation: if you can run six miles on summer day, then you, my friend, are a lethal weapon in the animal kingdom” (228). I will one day be a lethal weapon! :)
“Poor and free was the way he’d chosen to live, but was it the way he wanted to die?” (280). This is a question that a lot of people who are on this same journey are asking. It is not about living for material possessions, but reaching towards the greater spirit within us. Giving it all up so that we can be humbled by what life gives us.
Monday, August 2, 2010
This I believe!
If you have never taken the chance to read a "This I believe" article, take the time now to do so. Here is just a sneak peak of what lies within the article:
Journalist Lucy Freeman covered mental health and social welfare subjects for The New York Times in the late 1940s. Her first book, Fight Against Fears, detailed her own psychoanalytic treatment for social fears and insomnia. Freeman's experiences in counseling led her to believe that we must accept ourselves before we can truly give and receive love.
"In order to change, I needed help in facing myself. For me, it was not easy to 'know thyself.' All my life I had accepted the lesser of the two evils and run away from self, because truth was more dangerous. Once I thought that to survive, I had to put on a mask and forget what lay underneath. But masks are false protections, and the inner part of me refused to go unheard forever. It caught up eventually, and unless it was to master me, I had to face such feelings as fear, anger, envy, hatred, jealousy, and excessive need for attention. When I realized I could not have done anything else except what I did, I was able to like myself more and be able to like others, not for what they could give me but for what I could give to them."
Read the rest at: http://thisibelieve.org/essay/16560/
I want to write my own "This I believe", but I am not sure where I would start. I would talk about sitting on a mediation rock in the middle of Princeton campus, with a good friend, and letting our walls down. I would talk about sitting in a car and watching a heat lightening storm from the top of a building. I would talk about the real conversations that cut the most and make us grow because we trust what our companions are telling us. I would talk about the power of the holy spirit working through my life. I would talk about taking one step at a time in order to find who I am. I would talk about how jealousy over takes me at certain times and how I have tried to over come that which enslaves me. I would talk about a broken heart that needs healing, and through how being in nature I have given my heart over to my creator, and how I thank my father, God, and my mother, Mother Nature, everyday for giving me exactly what I need in order to survive. I believe in getting back to the basics. I believe that people are good at heart and that society jades us. I believe that there is hope for the future and that with my tangible hand, I will hold high standards for not only my family, friends, and students, but that we will make this world an amazing learning community.
What masks are you wearing? How can you work on lifting those masks? What do you believe in?
Journalist Lucy Freeman covered mental health and social welfare subjects for The New York Times in the late 1940s. Her first book, Fight Against Fears, detailed her own psychoanalytic treatment for social fears and insomnia. Freeman's experiences in counseling led her to believe that we must accept ourselves before we can truly give and receive love.
"In order to change, I needed help in facing myself. For me, it was not easy to 'know thyself.' All my life I had accepted the lesser of the two evils and run away from self, because truth was more dangerous. Once I thought that to survive, I had to put on a mask and forget what lay underneath. But masks are false protections, and the inner part of me refused to go unheard forever. It caught up eventually, and unless it was to master me, I had to face such feelings as fear, anger, envy, hatred, jealousy, and excessive need for attention. When I realized I could not have done anything else except what I did, I was able to like myself more and be able to like others, not for what they could give me but for what I could give to them."
Read the rest at: http://thisibelieve.org/essay/16560/
I want to write my own "This I believe", but I am not sure where I would start. I would talk about sitting on a mediation rock in the middle of Princeton campus, with a good friend, and letting our walls down. I would talk about sitting in a car and watching a heat lightening storm from the top of a building. I would talk about the real conversations that cut the most and make us grow because we trust what our companions are telling us. I would talk about the power of the holy spirit working through my life. I would talk about taking one step at a time in order to find who I am. I would talk about how jealousy over takes me at certain times and how I have tried to over come that which enslaves me. I would talk about a broken heart that needs healing, and through how being in nature I have given my heart over to my creator, and how I thank my father, God, and my mother, Mother Nature, everyday for giving me exactly what I need in order to survive. I believe in getting back to the basics. I believe that people are good at heart and that society jades us. I believe that there is hope for the future and that with my tangible hand, I will hold high standards for not only my family, friends, and students, but that we will make this world an amazing learning community.
What masks are you wearing? How can you work on lifting those masks? What do you believe in?
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Unleash the Passion
While cleaning and going through my room I found the motivational book, Unleash the Passion for your Purpose. One of the chapters is written by Laymon Hicks. I had the opportunity to meet this incredibly powerful motivational speaker through a local tutoring group that I helped out with. 50 Large is a gang pervention model that was set up here in Tallahassee to help young men be successful not only in life skills but also academically. Laymon came out to speak to the boys for the Youth Empowerment Day at FSU. Laymon was the student body president for FSU for the 2008/2009 school year. The title of his chapter is: The Empowerment Restaurant.
Here are the highlights of the chapter:
Shout to the world: "I am here to stay. I am here to make a difference. I will leave my mark in this world. It may take me my entire life, but I will not give up until my purpose and destiny are realized and fulfilled."
Ask yourself: "What should I do with my life?"
Steps to answering this question.
1. determine who you want to be.
2. listen to your inner voice
3. acknowledge misfortune.
4. explore possibilities
5. disregard the voice of the world
6. have faith in transformation
7. take the next step
8. have patience
Thoughts to think while following your passions:
I am a Visionary.
I am It.
I am a Bumblebee.
I am an Eliminator.
I am a Self-Pleaser
I am a Service.
He leaves this as his final list of rules:
1. count your blessings
2. manage your opportunities
3. eliminate old baggage
4. live with an attitude of gratitude
5. do what you love, not what others want you to do
6. love yourself as you are!
Much love and positive vibes for you!
Remember: Power to the peaceful.
Here are the highlights of the chapter:
Shout to the world: "I am here to stay. I am here to make a difference. I will leave my mark in this world. It may take me my entire life, but I will not give up until my purpose and destiny are realized and fulfilled."
Ask yourself: "What should I do with my life?"
Steps to answering this question.
1. determine who you want to be.
2. listen to your inner voice
3. acknowledge misfortune.
4. explore possibilities
5. disregard the voice of the world
6. have faith in transformation
7. take the next step
8. have patience
Thoughts to think while following your passions:
I am a Visionary.
I am It.
I am a Bumblebee.
I am an Eliminator.
I am a Self-Pleaser
I am a Service.
He leaves this as his final list of rules:
1. count your blessings
2. manage your opportunities
3. eliminate old baggage
4. live with an attitude of gratitude
5. do what you love, not what others want you to do
6. love yourself as you are!
Much love and positive vibes for you!
Remember: Power to the peaceful.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Energy Medicine
For the past three weeks, I have been working for John Hopkins University's Center for Talented Youth program at Princeton University, in Princeton, NJ. These three weeks motivated me, inspired me, and gave me energy that was much needed. This adventure opened my eyes to various aspects of being a gifted/ talented youth in our nation. These students made me cry because of the beauty of their talents, and their yearning to be more knowledgeable citizens. As my mind and spirit were being nurtured, my body was not. I ate horribly and by the end of the three weeks my body was yelling at me to get back into balance. We were not allowed to be barefoot, I was only able to spend limited time in nature, and our only option was eating at Rocky dining hall. Within three weeks my stress levels raised significantly and my body was so confused by lack of living raw foods. My body is so out of balance that within a two week time frame I had my period twice.
My goal is to get my body back into balance and start eating an 80/20% raw diet. I shared this goal with Matty, and as soon as I got back from my three week nerd camp he gave me a book about using energy from your hands as a way to help heal yourself. Energy Medicine for Women written by Donna Eden.
As a practicing member of the yoga community, I believe in the power of energy, and I believe that our hands are energy receptors for our bodies. When being indoors for hours, feeling drowsy and unmotivated, I will head outside for a ten minute break. I will stand in a sunny spot, and hold my hands out to collect vitamin D, and also to collect energy from the solar rays. This reminds me of the pixar movie, Wall-E! In order for Wall-E regain energy he must open his solar panel to collect sunlight. Donna Eden in her book suggests that it is possible to heal yourself using the power from our hands in conjecture with our energy systems.
Yesterday, when feeling nauseous and was curled up in a ball from experiencing sever cramping, I decided to try a technique that I read about within the first thirty pages of Energy Medicine for Women. After running my hands through the pattern described, my cramping was significantly relieved.
Amazing. "Einstein told us that 'energy is everything'" (33). As I continue to read through this book and try to finish up Born to Run by Christoper McDougal, I will post quotes and reactions.
As David Wolfe believes that everyday is the best day ever! I hope that you are having the best day ever! :)
My goal is to get my body back into balance and start eating an 80/20% raw diet. I shared this goal with Matty, and as soon as I got back from my three week nerd camp he gave me a book about using energy from your hands as a way to help heal yourself. Energy Medicine for Women written by Donna Eden.
As a practicing member of the yoga community, I believe in the power of energy, and I believe that our hands are energy receptors for our bodies. When being indoors for hours, feeling drowsy and unmotivated, I will head outside for a ten minute break. I will stand in a sunny spot, and hold my hands out to collect vitamin D, and also to collect energy from the solar rays. This reminds me of the pixar movie, Wall-E! In order for Wall-E regain energy he must open his solar panel to collect sunlight. Donna Eden in her book suggests that it is possible to heal yourself using the power from our hands in conjecture with our energy systems.
Yesterday, when feeling nauseous and was curled up in a ball from experiencing sever cramping, I decided to try a technique that I read about within the first thirty pages of Energy Medicine for Women. After running my hands through the pattern described, my cramping was significantly relieved.
Amazing. "Einstein told us that 'energy is everything'" (33). As I continue to read through this book and try to finish up Born to Run by Christoper McDougal, I will post quotes and reactions.
As David Wolfe believes that everyday is the best day ever! I hope that you are having the best day ever! :)
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
The Medicated Child
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCfRqNISQZg&feature=related
This was a 2008 PBS/Frontline news series about how many children are being medicated. It is now half way through 2010 and there is much more controversy on the topic of medicating the youth. There are many issues with this documentary:
1) Most of the parents that were video typed were overweight.
2) The children’s diets of what we saw of them consisted of microwaved corn dogs and Gatorade.
3) The children were on all of these prescriptions and yet did not talk about taking any vitamins or having a balanced diet.
4) The class structure of the children and families that were that of middle to lower class. They did not ask questions of their doctors.
5) The children were shown playing, but not exercising.
6) The students might not necessarily have social behavior problems, but could possibly be born and need to be challenged mentally.
7) Why would any parent ever have a young developing brain be put through the tons of radiation that is given off during an MRI!?
8) This was clearly stated that giving drugs to children was experimental, and that the doctors that prescribed these medications were backed by pharmaceutical companies.
No questions were raised, no solutions made, but we need to consider other aspects besides behavior. For instance, what does the environment that these children live in look like? Why are they acting out in the first place? This series does more to scare or frighten a population than to suggest solutions for how to improve this situation.
In my own personal quest to be the healthiest mentally, physically, emotionally, I have cut out all over the counter and prescribed medications. I am at the point in my life where if my body is hurting, my brain feels fuzzy, or that I act in a particular way, then I want to know why! I try to seek out the answer, by drinking more water trying various vitamins or taking something out of my diet. Sometimes, I even exercise more or spend more time outside with nature and in the sunlight. I try not to eat GMO, HFCS, and Soy. I have also enhanced the amount of fresh, raw, living foods that I consume. Through doing all of this I am finding myself to be more balanced in all areas of my life. I encourage you to take the time to find out what you are consuming and putting into your body. Do yourself a favor and become educated, in the long run and through living life to the fullest you will be thankful.
Do you take any medications? What are they for? How do you think your body/ mind would react without them?
This was a 2008 PBS/Frontline news series about how many children are being medicated. It is now half way through 2010 and there is much more controversy on the topic of medicating the youth. There are many issues with this documentary:
1) Most of the parents that were video typed were overweight.
2) The children’s diets of what we saw of them consisted of microwaved corn dogs and Gatorade.
3) The children were on all of these prescriptions and yet did not talk about taking any vitamins or having a balanced diet.
4) The class structure of the children and families that were that of middle to lower class. They did not ask questions of their doctors.
5) The children were shown playing, but not exercising.
6) The students might not necessarily have social behavior problems, but could possibly be born and need to be challenged mentally.
7) Why would any parent ever have a young developing brain be put through the tons of radiation that is given off during an MRI!?
8) This was clearly stated that giving drugs to children was experimental, and that the doctors that prescribed these medications were backed by pharmaceutical companies.
No questions were raised, no solutions made, but we need to consider other aspects besides behavior. For instance, what does the environment that these children live in look like? Why are they acting out in the first place? This series does more to scare or frighten a population than to suggest solutions for how to improve this situation.
In my own personal quest to be the healthiest mentally, physically, emotionally, I have cut out all over the counter and prescribed medications. I am at the point in my life where if my body is hurting, my brain feels fuzzy, or that I act in a particular way, then I want to know why! I try to seek out the answer, by drinking more water trying various vitamins or taking something out of my diet. Sometimes, I even exercise more or spend more time outside with nature and in the sunlight. I try not to eat GMO, HFCS, and Soy. I have also enhanced the amount of fresh, raw, living foods that I consume. Through doing all of this I am finding myself to be more balanced in all areas of my life. I encourage you to take the time to find out what you are consuming and putting into your body. Do yourself a favor and become educated, in the long run and through living life to the fullest you will be thankful.
Do you take any medications? What are they for? How do you think your body/ mind would react without them?
Royal Jelly
I have a friend who always seems to be on the ball with what is going on in the health arena! :) For instance, everyday before our barefoot woods run, he would have a spoon full of Royal Jelly. Initially, I thought he was crazy, I had tasted it, thought "eww!", and then disregarded it! Now, that Natural News is writing about the benefits of this bee produced cognitive improving jelly, I am willing to give it another try. Another thing that this friend loves is Olives. I cannot stand olives, but I am waiting for an article that speaks about the incredible natural health benefits of these slimy morsels.
Check this article out!! Maybe it will change your mind too.
http://www.naturalnews.com/029069_royal_jelly_cognitive_function.html
Check this article out!! Maybe it will change your mind too.
http://www.naturalnews.com/029069_royal_jelly_cognitive_function.html
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Orthorexia Nervosa!
Dear readers, this is extremely important that you read this! I am a huge fan of the Health Ranger, Mike Adams. He is always bringing the most up to date information on healthy living. This could depend on your mental health state. :) I will post more after camp today.
http://www.naturalnews.com/029098_orthorexia_mental_disorder.html
http://www.naturalnews.com/029098_orthorexia_mental_disorder.html
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Outward Appearence
Today while I had some down time I started talking to one of the RAs here at CTY. He commented, "It would be the saddest day if you were sad." I asked him what he meant, because I was confused, because I do not always see myself as being "happy". He then asked me if I was sad a lot, and I commented yes. Maybe actually not sad, but reflective and emotional. He then asked if I hid my sadness or my feelings, and again I answered yes. So odd I thought. We then entered into this discussion that he was a "hider" too. Meaning that everyone thinks that we are always happy, but that in reality we are just using happiness to cover up what we are truly feeling. I do not think that I do this all of the time, but I think inside I feel that I just come off like I am calm and cool. We later were discussing about shy people, and if someone asked me what I thought about myself I would say that I am a shy person, but in reality I am an extremely out going person. So, how does this happen? How it is that we see ourselves in one light, but we come off as another? There must be some psychology explanation to this. It is not that I feel like I am not being real with people, but in certain circumstances. Unless I act on my feelings then a person would never know what my actual feelings/emotions are. Hmmmm... thoughts?
Grounded green tree, Comes to life!
This is my 6 word bio for the day!
I was sitting under this beautiful oak tree with my new residence this afternoon and we wrote them together. We are going to write one everyday of camp!!
The explanation of this 6 word bio:
Like I said, I was sitting under a beautiful oak tree and feeling extremely grounded. Shoes off, sunlight peeking through the huge branches and foliage. I was grounded and peaceful. Green, because of my breath taking surroundings, and my favorite color. Tree, because I was sitting under a tree, and because I love trees. The reason why I love trees is because they are so life giving. Not only do they provide shade, shelter, but also provide oxygen and food! Trees are amazing living organisms!! :) "Comes to life" because all three of these previous things make me come to life, also I was conducting this activity with my residence, and having a purpose, giving purpose to others is what makes me survive! :)
Any 6 word bios??
I was sitting under this beautiful oak tree with my new residence this afternoon and we wrote them together. We are going to write one everyday of camp!!
The explanation of this 6 word bio:
Like I said, I was sitting under a beautiful oak tree and feeling extremely grounded. Shoes off, sunlight peeking through the huge branches and foliage. I was grounded and peaceful. Green, because of my breath taking surroundings, and my favorite color. Tree, because I was sitting under a tree, and because I love trees. The reason why I love trees is because they are so life giving. Not only do they provide shade, shelter, but also provide oxygen and food! Trees are amazing living organisms!! :) "Comes to life" because all three of these previous things make me come to life, also I was conducting this activity with my residence, and having a purpose, giving purpose to others is what makes me survive! :)
Any 6 word bios??
Splash, Quack, Slurp! Green, Giraffe Hat!
I am current at CTY-camp! :) The camp is focused on the talented youth of America. Today in training JC our SRA asked us all to compile our autobiographies in six words. I plan to do this with my residents tonight when I meet them. I like this activity, because we only get six words, so we must be decisive, and at the same time our six words could be changing drastically based on mood, environment, etc.
The whole idea came from a great American author, Ernest Hemingway. Ernest Hemingway was once prodded to compose a complete story in six words. His answer was "For sale: baby shoes, never used." Some people say it was to settle a bar bet. Others say it was a personal challenge directed at other famous authors.
Here is my 6 word bio.
Splash, Quack, Slurp!
Green, Giraffe Hat.
What does this mean? Well, this is explains my summer thus far:
Splash: Running in the woods and then jumping into the River Sinks.
Quack: I like the ducks at Lake Ella (teaching yoga at the lake); going on an adventure on the Duck Bus with Dr. Carroll in Washington DC.
Slurp: How I love smoothies; God is going to always give me lemonade!!
Green: The color of my aura; my favorite color; being "green wise" and healthy!
Giraffe: One of my favorite animals and the fact that I love my knitted Giraffe hat!
Hat: I stole Matty's adventure hat!! You always have to be prepared for an adventure, no matter where it takes you.
Would it not be awesome to keep a daily journal of six words everyday? For some, like me that would be extremely hard, but a cool activity.
Come up with a six-word story of your own, and share it with me! Tell me what it is about.
The whole idea came from a great American author, Ernest Hemingway. Ernest Hemingway was once prodded to compose a complete story in six words. His answer was "For sale: baby shoes, never used." Some people say it was to settle a bar bet. Others say it was a personal challenge directed at other famous authors.
Here is my 6 word bio.
Splash, Quack, Slurp!
Green, Giraffe Hat.
What does this mean? Well, this is explains my summer thus far:
Splash: Running in the woods and then jumping into the River Sinks.
Quack: I like the ducks at Lake Ella (teaching yoga at the lake); going on an adventure on the Duck Bus with Dr. Carroll in Washington DC.
Slurp: How I love smoothies; God is going to always give me lemonade!!
Green: The color of my aura; my favorite color; being "green wise" and healthy!
Giraffe: One of my favorite animals and the fact that I love my knitted Giraffe hat!
Hat: I stole Matty's adventure hat!! You always have to be prepared for an adventure, no matter where it takes you.
Would it not be awesome to keep a daily journal of six words everyday? For some, like me that would be extremely hard, but a cool activity.
Come up with a six-word story of your own, and share it with me! Tell me what it is about.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Born to Run - The Passion of Running
Recently I started reading the book Born to Run by Christopher McDougall! This is a great book that has given me inspiration for keeping up with working out, spending time in nature, and mostly getting grounded by knowing my body more. Not only have I started running and working out, but I have changed my diet drastically. Through all of this though I have been successful to drop 40lbs this year, thus far! On this journey through finding out who I am, and getting to know myself I look to this book for motivation and knowledge. Here are a few of my favorite quotes so far! I am only on pg 100 and I am addicted and want to try to find the passion that Chris writes about through these real people's lives.
"In terms of stress relief and sensual pleasure, running is what you have in your life before you have set. The equipment and desire come factory installed; all you have to do is let 'er rip and hang on for the ride" (12).
"'Bueno!' he shouted. ' Andale pues, a mas aventuras!' Excellent! On to more adventures!" (23).
"Translation: Tarahumara men couldn't even muster the nerve to get romantic with their own wives if they didn't drown their bashfulness in home brew" (28).
"We got a motto here--you're tougher than you think you are, and you can do more than you think you can...You don't have to be fast. But you better be fearless" (61).
"Running was romantic...For them running was miserable...but you can't muscle through a five-hour run that way; you have to relax into it, like easing your body into a hot bath until it no longer resists the short and begins to enjoy it...you have to listen closely to the sound of your own breathing; be aware of how much sweat is beading on your back; make sure to treat yourself to cool water and a salty snack and ask yourself, honestly and often, exactly how you feel. What could be more sensual than payingn exquisite attention to your own body? Sensual counted as romantic, right?" (69).
"How do you flip the internal switch that changes us all back into the Natural Born Runners we once were?...That was the real secret of the Tarahumara: they'd never forgotten what it felt like to love running. They remembers that running was mankind's first fine art, our original act of inspired creation. Way before we were scratching pictures on caves or beating rhythms on hollow trees, we were perfecting the art of combining our breath and mind and muscles into fluid self-propulsion over wild terrain" (92).
"You ran to eat and to avoid being eaten; you ran to find a mate and impress her, and with her you ran off to start a new life together. You had to love running, or you wouldn't live to love anything else. And like everything else we love--everything we call our 'passions' and 'desires'--it's really an encoded ancestral necessity. We were born to run; we were born because we run. We're all Running People" (93).
"There are two goddesses in your heart...The Goddess of Wisdom and the Goddess of Wealth. Everyone think they need to get wealth first, and wisdom will come. So they concern themselves with chasing money. But they have it backwards. You have to give your heart to the Goddess of Wisdom, give her all your love and attention, and the Goddess of Wealth will become jealous, and follow you" (94).
"...connection between the capacity to love and the capacity to love running. The engineering was certainly the same: both depend on loosening your grip on your own desires, putting aside what you wanted and appreciating what you got, being patient and forgiving and undemanding. Sex and speed--haven't they been symbiotic for most of our existence, as intertwined as the strands of our DNA? We couldn't be alive without love; we wouldn't have survived without running; maybe we shouldn't be surprised that getting better at one could make you better at the other" (98).
"Perhaps all our troubles--all the violence, obesity, illness, depression, and greed we can't overcome--began when we stopped living as Running People. Deny your nature,and it will erupt in some other, uglier way" (99).
I have never thought of running like this before. What a new and fresh perspective! What are your thoughts?
"In terms of stress relief and sensual pleasure, running is what you have in your life before you have set. The equipment and desire come factory installed; all you have to do is let 'er rip and hang on for the ride" (12).
"'Bueno!' he shouted. ' Andale pues, a mas aventuras!' Excellent! On to more adventures!" (23).
"Translation: Tarahumara men couldn't even muster the nerve to get romantic with their own wives if they didn't drown their bashfulness in home brew" (28).
"We got a motto here--you're tougher than you think you are, and you can do more than you think you can...You don't have to be fast. But you better be fearless" (61).
"Running was romantic...For them running was miserable...but you can't muscle through a five-hour run that way; you have to relax into it, like easing your body into a hot bath until it no longer resists the short and begins to enjoy it...you have to listen closely to the sound of your own breathing; be aware of how much sweat is beading on your back; make sure to treat yourself to cool water and a salty snack and ask yourself, honestly and often, exactly how you feel. What could be more sensual than payingn exquisite attention to your own body? Sensual counted as romantic, right?" (69).
"How do you flip the internal switch that changes us all back into the Natural Born Runners we once were?...That was the real secret of the Tarahumara: they'd never forgotten what it felt like to love running. They remembers that running was mankind's first fine art, our original act of inspired creation. Way before we were scratching pictures on caves or beating rhythms on hollow trees, we were perfecting the art of combining our breath and mind and muscles into fluid self-propulsion over wild terrain" (92).
"You ran to eat and to avoid being eaten; you ran to find a mate and impress her, and with her you ran off to start a new life together. You had to love running, or you wouldn't live to love anything else. And like everything else we love--everything we call our 'passions' and 'desires'--it's really an encoded ancestral necessity. We were born to run; we were born because we run. We're all Running People" (93).
"There are two goddesses in your heart...The Goddess of Wisdom and the Goddess of Wealth. Everyone think they need to get wealth first, and wisdom will come. So they concern themselves with chasing money. But they have it backwards. You have to give your heart to the Goddess of Wisdom, give her all your love and attention, and the Goddess of Wealth will become jealous, and follow you" (94).
"...connection between the capacity to love and the capacity to love running. The engineering was certainly the same: both depend on loosening your grip on your own desires, putting aside what you wanted and appreciating what you got, being patient and forgiving and undemanding. Sex and speed--haven't they been symbiotic for most of our existence, as intertwined as the strands of our DNA? We couldn't be alive without love; we wouldn't have survived without running; maybe we shouldn't be surprised that getting better at one could make you better at the other" (98).
"Perhaps all our troubles--all the violence, obesity, illness, depression, and greed we can't overcome--began when we stopped living as Running People. Deny your nature,and it will erupt in some other, uglier way" (99).
I have never thought of running like this before. What a new and fresh perspective! What are your thoughts?
Summer Solstice
Last night I went on an adventure that at first I was extremely scared about doing. As Michael Stipe (lead singer of REM) sings, "Night swimming deserves a quiet night!" We headed out to the sister sinks just after the summer sun had set, around 9:30pm. When we got to our favorite grounding spot, we ran the whole way to the beautiful purifying fresh water source. The moon was high and bright. I was scared, my heart racing, what if I fell down, what if a snake or alligator was lurking? He said, "Don't worry I am a buffalo!" :) I am thankful for a passionate adventuring friend! This adventure ranks in my top three sink adventures out to the sisters. This evening reminded me of another night adventure that we have recently taken. After the experience, I wrote a haiku about our experience.
Peaceful companions
Traveling a narrow path
But, Walking by faith (Get the pun?! lol)
Silent dancers play
Meditating peacefully
Lighting the darkness
Night talkers expound
Lively forest symphony
Euphonious frogs
Open heart and mind
Sincere communication
Balanced life and soul
I have actually updated the poem, but wrote it hard copy and cannot seem to find it now. This will have to do for now, but I will post as a response to this posting as soon as I find the updated version. I am still amazed at how we can find inspiration in the most beautiful and peaceful places!
I challenge you to take a summer nighttime adventure and then write about what you experienced. I promise it will be nothing short of beautiful and amazing! :)
Peaceful companions
Traveling a narrow path
But, Walking by faith (Get the pun?! lol)
Silent dancers play
Meditating peacefully
Lighting the darkness
Night talkers expound
Lively forest symphony
Euphonious frogs
Open heart and mind
Sincere communication
Balanced life and soul
I have actually updated the poem, but wrote it hard copy and cannot seem to find it now. This will have to do for now, but I will post as a response to this posting as soon as I find the updated version. I am still amazed at how we can find inspiration in the most beautiful and peaceful places!
I challenge you to take a summer nighttime adventure and then write about what you experienced. I promise it will be nothing short of beautiful and amazing! :)
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
I'm gonna make it through and I'm gonna do it all. I will fall.
I was driving in my car about to fall asleep, when I reached for my old school CD case. I pulled out this CD called "Dc Martin's Mix", which is a CD that my sister had gotten for free when she was in high school. I listened to this CD non stop in middle school/ early high school because, I loved the music that she was into. This song, "New Song" by Ben Lee has always been a favorite of mine. Yet, the lyrics never made any sense to me. It is just like Louise Rosenblatt's Readers Response Theory, when you visit a text multiple times you bring different interpretations to it, because you (the reader) has changed. And now that I have been changed because of life experiences, I understand what the lyrics/ text means.
My heart it is eternal
And my soul it often flies
You can see it in the evenings soaring through the skies
And it takes me close to madness
Though it never really tries
I've crossed a million rivers
And I've walked a million miles
I've kissed a holy angel and I've tried to show some style
I never even questioned
How I know it's all worthwhile
But I'm gonna make it through and I'm gonna do it all
And I'm gonna make it through and I'm gonna do it all
And I'm gonna make it through and I'm gonna do it all
I will fall
My legs they get so tired
And my head it often screams
You can hear the thoughts all turning overload of fears and dreams
I don't mind the sting of feeling
But it burns when I'm empty
I'll ride the road I've chosen
And at times I know I'll fall
I have nothing to lose now so I want to taste it all
Wintertime in Glendale
Till the next location calls
But I'm gonna make it through and I'm gonna do it all
And I'm gonna make it through and I'm gonna do it all
And I'm gonna make it through and I'm gonna do it all
I will fall
Well there's no one left but you now babe
Got to say that it's your call
I'm gonna make it through and I'm gonna do it all
And I'm gonna make it through and I'm gonna do it all
And I'm gonna make it through and I'm gonna do it all
I will fall
So you ask, what does this mean? Well for all my my friends out there who are struggling with life choices and decisions then this is about you. Think about a child who is learning how to walk. How many times does he/she get up and try again after falling? Countless, until he/she conquers the task of walking. Baby steps at first, then we learn how to run! Just like all of us on our journeys, we make choices and sometimes they lead us to a dead end, or we end up "epically failing", but we must get back up and try again. With the support of close friends who love you regardless of what choices you make, you will do it all! You will be successful! Mostly you will be happy because you were persistent and have proven to yourself that you are the only person who can make your dreams come true.
So, until the next location calls, let your heart love eternally, and remember, babe it's your call! :)
My heart it is eternal
And my soul it often flies
You can see it in the evenings soaring through the skies
And it takes me close to madness
Though it never really tries
I've crossed a million rivers
And I've walked a million miles
I've kissed a holy angel and I've tried to show some style
I never even questioned
How I know it's all worthwhile
But I'm gonna make it through and I'm gonna do it all
And I'm gonna make it through and I'm gonna do it all
And I'm gonna make it through and I'm gonna do it all
I will fall
My legs they get so tired
And my head it often screams
You can hear the thoughts all turning overload of fears and dreams
I don't mind the sting of feeling
But it burns when I'm empty
I'll ride the road I've chosen
And at times I know I'll fall
I have nothing to lose now so I want to taste it all
Wintertime in Glendale
Till the next location calls
But I'm gonna make it through and I'm gonna do it all
And I'm gonna make it through and I'm gonna do it all
And I'm gonna make it through and I'm gonna do it all
I will fall
Well there's no one left but you now babe
Got to say that it's your call
I'm gonna make it through and I'm gonna do it all
And I'm gonna make it through and I'm gonna do it all
And I'm gonna make it through and I'm gonna do it all
I will fall
So you ask, what does this mean? Well for all my my friends out there who are struggling with life choices and decisions then this is about you. Think about a child who is learning how to walk. How many times does he/she get up and try again after falling? Countless, until he/she conquers the task of walking. Baby steps at first, then we learn how to run! Just like all of us on our journeys, we make choices and sometimes they lead us to a dead end, or we end up "epically failing", but we must get back up and try again. With the support of close friends who love you regardless of what choices you make, you will do it all! You will be successful! Mostly you will be happy because you were persistent and have proven to yourself that you are the only person who can make your dreams come true.
So, until the next location calls, let your heart love eternally, and remember, babe it's your call! :)
Monday, June 21, 2010
Spell Check!
As I have just started this blog, I should warn you. Yes, I am an English Education Master's student, but at times my passion for bringing words to life, and or putting words on paper distract me from being professional. Therefore, I know that I have tons of spelling and grammatical errors throughout my blogs, and rereading my first post, I notice that YES, I do spell youthful, "youthgul"! Lol! I encourage you to point these out to me, and to make light of word play. For instance, what could a youthgul actually be, besides a spelling error? :)
Internation Adoption and Life Partners
Talking to my sister about International Adoption, I went off on this spiel about what I want in a partner.
God has given us varying degrees of tolerance. You have this opportunity to be a parent, a guardian, a person to love, teach, and nurture. You can give all of this to a youthgul life. It is amazing that you are open to the idea of adopting children, especially those of another culture. You also have to realize that there are so many great opportunities for adoption here in the United States. Regardless of what you choose to do, the child will be an amazing light in their generation. You and your partner will make a great parenting team, and whatever road the two of you choose to walk you will be blessed along the way! :)
Yes, many people have baby fever, but I just want to be in a relationship. I however do NOT want to rush into anything. A friend of mine, her mom is going through a divorce with her dad. Her dad has never loved or was affectionate towards her mom. He is not kind at heart, and her mom is extremely sad says, "My husband of 31 years never loved me." It is so painful to hear those words. :( I do not want to rush into a relationship where my significant other does not show me affection and love me truly. How do we as strong women in our society let this happen? It is time that we stand together and fight for our rights yet again, we do not have to settle for anything less than our best, and that includes the guys in our lives.
I am currently between a rock and a hard place with a relationship. The guy shows me minimal affection, but I think I love him. My friends always say, you must listen to your heart and just be. Come what may! But, just being is difficult. Right now he is my best friend, and I do love him. Only time will tell! :) The question that must be asked next is what exactly am I looking for in a life partner?
I want someone who will not only love me with all of my flaws, but will appreciate that I have goals and dreams. I want someone who will encourage me to be my best everyday and to strive for living the fullest life possible. I need someone who appreciates raw natural living, and will support me on my mission to be the healthiest I can be. I want someone who will hold my hand in public, but respect others around us. I want someone who longs to see me and speak to me, who wants to grow old with me, and wants to walk every miss lead path with me. I need someone who wants to dance and play in the rain. I want to have a burning passion, desire, and spice between my lover and I for eternity. I do not want money, material possessions, or social norms to get in the way of our happiness. I don't want to ever have any doubts about my partners’ integrity or faithfulness. We will always be each other’s number two choice, because we will both love God with all of our hearts. He is our eternal lover, who has loved us before we even knew each other, and we will be content knowing that we both have our hands spread out walking towards God, being his tangible hand in all that we do. Our communication will be our number one best attribute as a couple, because communication is the key to any good and successful relationship. Lastly, I want our flaws/weakness to compliment each other’s strengths, so that we can continue to learn from each other.
I now ask you, what are your views about international adoption and/or what do you long for in your life partner? Doy you believe in soul mates, or love at first sight?
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